Time To Surrender Puny Earthlings

by Universal Disappointment Sponge

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    This is the first splurge of noises from us here Sponges, so jump on the bandwagon now before you get gazumped by sneering hipsters, who will immediately disown us as soon as we flog our first record.
    Now I reckon you lot like free stuff. Who doesn't? So as well as making this e.p a 'Pay what you like release' we have chucked in some extra goodness for you:
    1) Play guitar? Want to prance around your bedroom naked pretending you are a member of Universal Disappointment Sponge? Well feel free. We've put together a tablature book to accompany the e.p, so fill your filthy boots.
    2) Lyrics. Lovely lovely Word Porridge. There is also a PDF book with all the lyrics in, that looks all pretty and that.
    3) We were going to include the ultra-high budget video for 'Where Am My Thing?', but conversion issues occured. However, it will be available to view on YouTube once I've ironed out the kinks. It's a masterpiece. The huge label advance has been blown on an eighty foot animatronic spider created by Weta workshop. We got Lucasarts involved in the CGI background vehicles. The soundstage was constructed from the Turin shroud and shards of the true cross. Amazing AND ALL TRUE.
    ... more

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All words & noises by Universal Disappointment Sponge

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released February 20, 2013

Minds, Mouths, Hands and the occasional Foot provided by Universal Disappointment Sponge.

Engineered, Mixed and Mastered by Ed Rome at Slam Door Studios, Billericay.

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Universal Disappointment Sponge Southend On Sea, UK

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Track Name: The Lost Art of Steeplejacking
TapesTapesTapesTapesTapesTapesTapesTapesTapesTapesTapesTapesTapesTapesTapesTapesTapesTapesTapesTapesTapesTapesTapesTapesTapesTapesTapesBETAMAX

All his pop-culture references from the eighties, no-one remembers Fred Dibnah/
All this is, is an excuse to get ugly girls out on the stage/
Oh yeah, come around, everybody wants to see my Betamax/

All this nostalgia is treacle to the arteries, I can remember the eighties/
All this is, is an excuse to get ugly girls out on the stage/
Oh yeah, come around, everybody wants to see my Betamax

All his misguided opinion stems from alcohol, no-one remembers Deb Fridnah/
All this is, is an excuse to get ugly girls out on the stage/
Oh yeah, come around everybody wants to see my Betamax

Tapes/
Boyfriends, Lesbians, Periods, Rape/
Discarded memories, discarded BETAMAX

All this is, is an excuse to get ugly girls out on the stage, I want a T-Shirt with your dreams printed across the chest so I can wash your dreams at thirty degrees in my washing machine all we sing about are boyfriends, lesbians and periods and rape.
Track Name: Poor Dave
Poor Dave, all he wanted to do was sit at home in his underpants, watch Aliens and play with his Pulse Rifle. But instead he had to go to Ikea.

Poor Sim, all he wanted to do was play in the woods with his friends. But instead he got attacked by a Nakedskinlesshorseheadedmanwomanmonster.

Poor J, all he wanted was a nice night out with a lady. But instead he got internet and messaged, Racist, Twenty-Six, from Rochford.

Poor Me, all I wanted to do was be in a band before I turned thirty. But nobody wanted to play with me. Boo Hoo Hoo.

One day, Dave said no.
Track Name: Omerta
I heard he had a nasty habit of breaking families, wielding knives and drinking shandies.

I heard he had a absent sister, vacant stare, temper temper, lot's of hair.

I heard he had a disabled child, very nice clothes, remorse that never seems to show.

Dirty Faces.

I heard he had a lack of knowledge, terrible fear that anyone would ever hear.

I heard she had a eighteenth birthday big surprise, eighteenth birthday, blackened eye.

I heard they had a secret they could never keep, I hope that they will fuck off and die.

Dirty Faces.

Cunt looks just like Richard Madeley.

Keep your secrets/ Keep your mouth shut/ I heard he had a dirty habit.

Cunt looks just like Richard Madeley.
Track Name: Lemon the Pole
They got what they asked for. You got what you came for.

Who is this girl? Look up to me. I am the greatest, you'll ever see. Just look at all the things I've done, all the games that I have won. Look at all I've come to be.

I am a man. I am the bomb. El Capitan. I Megalodon. Look at all the things I make, all the people I can break. Look at what I've come to be.

Lemon the Pole.

I'm not a girl. I'm not for you. It's a career. You have no clue. Look at all the moves I make, all the cash I can take. Look at all you've come to be.

I am a woman. You are a boy. And you are just a toy. Look at all the moves I make, all the cash I can take. Look at all you've come to be.

I am the bomb. El Capitan. I Megalodon. Look at all the moves I make, all the people I can break. Look at all I've come to be.

Lemon the Pole.

It's not juice. It's not batter. Not batter. Not juice.
Track Name: Where Am My Thing?
Where am my thing? Where am my thing? Where am it?
No not that thing. My other thing. Where am it be?

Revel in grammatical absurdity. (It makes him happy)
Banjaxed syntax is my speciality. (It makes him)

Where am my Strange News? Where am my Strange News? Where am they be?
Where am they Welshmen? They crooked Welshmen? Where am they be?

Where'd all their bullets go? (It makes him happy)
Plagiarised in tribute song. (It makes him)

What am I supposed to do with half a plank?

Oh yeah, I hadn't thought of that.